Feeling deprived...

Oh.. how you miss the little things in life when you don't get them... Yes I am suffering from deprivation this week here on 9 2 Bay... Just little things... like:

sunshine...
warmth...
peace and quiet...
sleep...

You know.. just the little things in life that make my home a little bit more comfortable than an Iraqi prison.

Hey.. now that's an idea:

Is torture illegal according to the Geneva convention? No problem... we don't need no stinking torture.. We'll just get you a new roommate... Here... take this guy... We're not sure of his real name but his alias is "Mr. 9 2 Bay" (whatever the heck that means).

He's a nice guy... really... He's a great roommate... very funny... good personality... I'm sure he'll be over that eardrum busting - nasty - hacking cough any day now... It'll be fine..

We've given him tons of cough drops that will gaurentee to clean out everyones sinus' on the entire cell block as he's a mouth breather and will fill the entire prison with the lovely smell of lemon and minty honey, it'll be like having your own room freshner...

I'm sure you'll get used to him, after all, cough drops don't usually cause stomach upset for all that long, and besides, the minty mouth breathing will help to cover up the problem should it continue to occur...

We'll even make him an appointment with the prison doctor for you, just make sure he's available first, last time we tried that we had to cancel the appointment a half hour after we made it, so timing is critical...

He tells wonderful, long, involved stories. He's got a million of them and can entertain you for days on end... Don't worry, I'm sure very soon now he'll be able to say more than 2 words at a time before he breaks out in a 5 minute coughing fit, it'll be ok though, he'll pick up the story right where he left off, you won't miss any of the highlights and it'll just extend your joy just that much longer...

He really is very entertaining... After awhile you'll become so over-tired that you'll become completely silly... Everything will seem funny to you... Imagine how handy that will be...

He's also very talented... Not too many people can have a five minute coughing fit and then be snoring again within 30 seconds... You'll marvel at how he can do this so easily... time after time... all night long... yes, prepare to be amazed.

It's only too bad that he's already been coughing for 2 weeks now so I'm sure it'll stop any day now... Yes, you will miss it, but your adaptable, besides, eventually I'm sure you'll catch his cold as well and then you can extend the lovely sleep deprivation induced silliness another week or so all by yourself.

So.. welcome to your Iraqi prison, where torture is non-existent and we'll do everything we can to make your stay as fun as possible.

Later...